Then and NowSunday, February 05, 2012
(Childish then, child-like now.)
1. THEN: I hate how he is so childish and immature. You should see him when he's with friends. Just like little boys.
NOW: I don't know why but now I found this quality so endearing. I look at him and think of how he's such a baby sometimes. And then I realized I want to take care of him more---that girls really have that so-called "motherly" instinct. Can you believe it? Me? Haha. That's why I love to hug him. He's a baby that way.
2. THEN: I hate how he always relies on me to make a decision on where to eat, what to do, movies to watch etc. His Ikaw-na-bahala 'tude. Back then I thought of this as how he doesn't have a mind of his own. And I do not take this kind of attitude lightly. My guy has to be a MAN not a BOY.
NOW: I was wrong. He relies on me for the smallest decisions in our relationship but he certainly has a mind of his own--oh boy he does! lol. If not for him we would've gone on-and-off as a couple. Haha! And I appreciate how he thinks deeply about everything and how he stands by firmly in all decisions he make. Now that's my man.
3. THEN: I hate that he's just so quiet. There are times when I'd talk all the time and he'd just sit there and nod. Seriously, I can't ever read his mind. Don't you just hate that girls?
NOW: I love the moments when we're just quiet together, without the pressure to talk. We're just there. Being together. Now that I'm older, I learned the value of being still and that I don't need to be afraid of silence. That silence is good for the soul.
4. THEN: I hated how he wanted to keep our relationship a secret just 'cause he doesn't like to be teased! See. Exclamation point. Yes, secret from all of our friends. It was so hard to keep a secret like that especially if it was your first ever relationship. Is there something wrong with me?, I thought.
NOW: I see where he was coming from. It is good to be quiet and private about some things.
(What if maybe we didn’t?)
5. THEN: I hate how he believes that love is eternal. That your first love can be your one and only. Yes, even back then I am cynical about love.
NOW: I'm not really sure if he changed his thoughts (now I certainly hope to God he still thinks the same way. :) ) but hey, we are back together right? Hopefully for keeps. I am a hopeless romantic and I do believe in love---for other people, NOT for myself. I still have trouble believing that I am worthy to be loved, that I even deserve it. I just hope he will not tire of making me feel like I do deserve it and that I AM loved.
So there are my five things. I honestly don't know why it took me 5 years to have a change of heart regarding these things. Probably because I had some growing up to do.
Another one of the statements that I actually find to be true is that "Love is not blind. It sees all but it DOESNT mind." Because yes, I may not like his judgemental attitude most of the time and I'm sure as hell that he hates my pessimism but I love him just the same. I think the secret to our relationship is that I am understanding and that he lets me win (well, in our little, little arguments). Nah. We just have the same attitude which may make or break us---we hate arguments especially long, stressful talks. We will work on it though. But for now, if we don't see eye to eye, we just agree to disagree. :)