Then and Now

Sunday, February 05, 2012

It is true you know when they say that what you want changes as you grow up and mature. 'Cause mine surely did. Weird. Like with Rj, it feels ironic that what I used to really hate about him then are the things that I love about him now. Well there are 5 major things:

(Childish then, child-like now.)

1. THEN: I hate how he is so childish and immature. You should see him when he's with friends. Just like little boys.

NOW: I don't know why but now I found this quality so endearing. I look at him and think of how he's such a baby sometimes. And then I realized I want to take care of him more---that girls really have that so-called "motherly" instinct. Can you believe it? Me? Haha. That's why I love to hug him. He's a baby that way.


2. THEN: I hate how he always relies on me to make a decision on where to eat, what to do, movies to watch etc. His Ikaw-na-bahala 'tude. Back then I thought of this as how he doesn't have a mind of his own. And I do not take this kind of attitude lightly. My guy has to be a MAN not a BOY.

NOW: I was wrong. He relies on me for the smallest decisions in our relationship but he certainly has a mind of his own--oh boy he does! lol. If not for him we would've gone on-and-off as a couple. Haha! And I appreciate how he thinks deeply about everything and how he stands by firmly in all decisions he make. Now that's my man.

(‘Nuff said.)

3. THEN: I hate that he's just so quiet. There are times when I'd talk all the time and he'd just sit there and nod. Seriously, I can't ever read his mind. Don't you just hate that girls?

NOW: I love the moments when we're just quiet together, without the pressure to talk. We're just there. Being together. Now that I'm older, I learned the value of being still and that I don't need to be afraid of silence. That silence is good for the soul.

4. THEN: I hated how he wanted to keep our relationship a secret just 'cause he doesn't like to be teased! See. Exclamation point. Yes, secret from all of our friends. It was so hard to keep a secret like that especially if it was your first ever relationship. Is there something wrong with me?, I thought.

NOW: I see where he was coming from. It is good to be quiet and private about some things.

(What if maybe we didn’t?)

5. THEN: I hate how he believes that love is eternal. That your first love can be your one and only. Yes, even back then I am cynical about love.

NOW: I'm not really sure if he changed his thoughts (now I certainly hope to God he still thinks the same way. :) ) but hey, we are back together right? Hopefully for keeps. I am a hopeless romantic and I do believe in love---for other people, NOT for myself. I still have trouble believing that I am worthy to be loved, that I even deserve it. I just hope he will not tire of making me feel like I do deserve it and that I AM loved.

So there are my five things. I honestly don't know why it took me 5 years to have a change of heart regarding these things. Probably because I had some growing up to do.

Another one of the statements that I actually find to be true is that "Love is not blind. It sees all but it DOESNT mind." Because yes, I may not like his judgemental attitude most of the time and I'm sure as hell that he hates my pessimism but I love him just the same. I think the secret to our relationship is that I am understanding and that he lets me win (well, in our little, little arguments). Nah. We just have the same attitude which may make or break us---we hate arguments especially long, stressful talks. We will work on it though. But for now, if we don't see eye to eye, we just agree to disagree. :)

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