Of Sadomasochism

Friday, October 03, 2008

I know I should've done this long time ago when I have lots of time to do my research. But then, I am in the mood TODAY and not yesterday or any other day before that.

This is about something I always try not to discuss in my blogs (the love stuff!). But I think its a disease already and it's spreading pretty fast. I read all about it in Paulo Coelho's book, Eleven Minutes , which I think is a very powerful book about sex in the context of love. Very well written by the way. I was alarmed. And I thought I ought to do a little more research about it.

Have you guys ever heard of Sadism and Masochism? These are actually medical terms. The former refers to sexual and/or non-sexual gratification in the infliction of pain or humiliation upon or by another person while the latter is sexual or non-sexual gratification in the infliction of pain or humiliation upon self. Sadists, desire to inflict pain, whether sexual or not. Masochists desire to receive pain. Again, it may or may not be sexual. The simple physiological enjoyment of pain is technically known as algolagnia. Many behaviors such as erotic spanking, tickling and love-bites that many people think of only as "rough" sex also contain elements of sado-masochism. (www.wikipedia.org). That's why we have the term "masokista" and "sadista" in Tagalog. These are actually psychological illness.
I don't understand how inflicting pain or humiliation to oneself and upon others can make others feel good or sexually aroused for that matter. Pero sa mga nakikita ko sa iba, mukhang kumakalat na ang epidemyang ito. Nangyayari ito sa pang-araw-araw na buhay. Medically speaking, it's really a big thing. A disease. But we do it unconsciously by the little things we do.

Halimbawa, sa mga mag-boyfriend, hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung bakit kahit napakaliit na bagay lang pinag-aawayan nila. Pag-uwi sa bahay ng isa, kung sinong kasama and even each other's ex's. I mean, they won't fight if they won't talk about it. Meron akong mga kakilala, they constantly include his ex-girlfriend in their conversation and so, they always fight. I mean, darn it! Masarap ba makipag-away? Why will you even open a topic you know you will eventually fight about. Is it okay to flaunt one's insecurity?! I really don't get them. Away ng away, hindi naman naghihiwalay. Okay, they love each other, blah-blah-blah but hello, they fight all the time about ONE THING. (Sabi nga ng aking kaibigan, "Paulit-ulit, NAKAKA-BOBO!") Or maybe they are. Bakit gusto nilang paulit-ulit pag-usapan ang bagay na makakasakit sa kanila? Are they bored or their relationship? They need to put a little spice, is that it? Just for that? Hell , yeah it's part of life. But can't they accept that when something doesn't go wrong, that's just the way it is. They have to be thankful but instead they're like looking for a hole in their happiness. It's like they're questioning why they're happy. Wala namang problema kung hindi ka gagawa diba? We can be happy. If we are, we deserve it and that's just the way it is.

Isa pa, bakit may mga taong pinipiling maging emo? I mean, life is good. Great actually if we can only see God's blessings. Well, okay. Maybe life is boring without problems. We work so hard, organize everything to make our lives happy but still aminin natin, minsan, tayo ang gumagawa ng sarili nating mga problema.

We always say we don't want to get hurt and hurt other people as well. But we do it unconsciously, you know, hurt ourselves and others. Especially the people who are dear to us. Maybe it's really a part of human nature. To hurt and get hurt. Is it? Because I can't bear to think that someone is happy and joyful inflicting pain upon himself and upon others.

In sadomasochism, saying sorry won't work because if you say sorry, you have to mean it and you really don't intend to hurt someone. And I personally don't accept meaningless apologies. In those cases, I forgive but don't forget.

But anyway, I just wish we guys take conscious effort to control our actions not only to other people but to ourselves as well. It is never good to inflict pain. Every ethical books tell you that. If you're happy right now, maybe you deserve it. Enjoy the moment. We all have our time to shine. =)

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  1. true. in many ways, we can avoid doing ourselves pain. we just get caught up in our routines or bad habits sometimes, so we repeat our mistakes.